Tuesday, September 11, 2007

keep bear cubs away from shredder: a look at the greatest warning label ever

I've had this shredder for a couple months and didn't notice this warning label until I was boxing it up for the move last week. I can't imagine what those Brooklyn movers were thinking while they saw me snapping this close-up.

Actually, I can imagine what they were thinking: What a stupid warning; who would be foolish enough to allow a bear -- let alone a bear cub -- near their new cross-cut paper shredder? (Cross-cut for added security, just ask Oliver North).

Even as cubs, these creatures are known for their ferocity. I've seen Grizzly Man, these beasts hate office supplies. You think those guys in Office Space did a number on that fax machine? Imagine how a grizzly would react to the imminent threat of a machine that slashes 10 sheets at a time.

But really, why the teddy bear? The only reason I stopped trying to drink the bleach in our laundry room is because my mom put those "Mr. Yuck" stickers on it. Then my dad started putting it on anything in the fridge that he didn't want me to eat or drink.Where is the "Mr. OMFG MY HAND IS A BLOODY PULP OF GROUND CHUCK!"?

That would keep the kids away much better than a cute teddy.