how to feed a startup

There are plenty of great, well-respected resources on the subject of starting a startup and this blog is not one of them. Some of the best writers not only address important topics, but also offer solutions in easily digestible "how to" form. Crucial issues like how to fund a startup are often addressed, but other less glamorous issues are often neglected and left for hacks like me.

And with that, I present "how to feed a startup."

My friends from Maryland will remember latenight drives to our local Royal Farms convenience store where we first discovered what happens to all the unpurchased Krispy Kreme doughnuts. They are carefully inventoried and then violently dumped into a garbage bag that ends up in the back of a truck. I couldn't let this massacre continue -- unlike the U.N.'s treatment of genocide in Darfur -- I felt obligated to immediately intervene. This is how a half-full (note: not half-empty) sack of slightly-misshapen doughnuts ended up on my backseat.

I soon learned that doughnuts (esp. the jelly variety) do not keep well, despite my best efforts to resurrect them (microwave). However, I'd learned an important lesson (not about microwaving doughnuts, but about how to get free food).

Tonight, when I walked passed our local cafe/bakery after-hours, I noticed the two remaining employees emptying all of the day's baked goods into a trashbag. Deja vu. A glitch in the Matrix, whatever. I frantically tapped on the glass and employed a well-honed strategy that I'm sharing with you, dear reader:

Puppy eyes. The more pathetic/hungry you look, the better.

I told them about the undernourished programmers back at the apartment and they acquiesed -- no one wants that weighing on their conscience. By the time they handed me the second baguette, I insisted that I couldn't carry any more and would gladly keep returning at closing time to horde the day's leftovers.

This is routine at just about any establishment that bakes its own food and adheres to its "baked fresh daily" policy. Just remember to look pitiful, be polite, and enjoy the spoils. Now that you know my secret, use it wisely. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

--

Some of you may also be wondering why all this food is going to waste and not being dropped off at a local soup kitchen, for instance. I've inquired about this, and although there are some exceptions, most owners told me that it would either be too much of a hassle or that the local charity organizations simply don't want it. Food for thought.

i miss health insurance

It's one of those things you take for granted when you're in college and still covered by your parents' plan. Without it, you find yourself walking a bit more gingerly over patches of ice and taking a couple extra looks before stepping out into traffic. Lately, my parents have begun to really insist that I get some health insurance, after all, I'd been going without any for a while now (even though I still carry around the expired card, hoping that I can keep up the ruse in the emergency room for just long enough to get treated).

When you're young, fairly healthy (despite a limited diet and even more limited exercise) and a non-smoker, you'd expect this process to be fairly smooth (after all, we're the low-risk customers that these insurance companies love to draw their monthly fees from). Given this, the appropriate plan would cover a couple routine doctor's visits and some kind of coverage for the "get hit by a bus" scenario. Oh, and it'd be cheap, too (it's kind of depressing thinking about the cost of your health care in the number of servers it could buy).

Before long, I found myself on the phone with a sales agent for [unnamed insurance agency] who had a great quote for me that appeared to meet all of my requirements. In fact, the image of that incoming bus was in my head when I asked, "This plan will cover a catastrophic event, like me getting hit by a bus, right? That's a big deal to me. I need those emergency room bills to be covered." The voice assured me, "Yes. You'll be covered."

With that, I handed over my credit card information and looked forward to getting my new insurance card in the mail (I was given a choice between laminated and glossy, I went with laminated for the extra durability).

The next day, I was suddenly struck with what I believe is known as "buyer's remorse," which you'd think -- as an American -- I'd be used to by now. Nevertheless, I felt the urge to call and cancel my new plan. The woman I spoke with insisted that I'd need to fax over a termination & refund request, which I had no problem doing, but I had one more question to ask before I hung up:

"So, on this insurance policy that I'm cancelling, what would have happened if I'd been hit by a bus?"

"Well, this policy doesn't cover that."

"What do you mean? What if I got hit by a truck? Would it cover that?"

"No, no. This policy doesn't cover emergency room bills."

"Are you kidding me?! I explicitly asked for that coverage and was told I was getting it."

"Well, you would be entitled to a semi-private room at the hospital."

*laughing, in a Galgenhumor sort of way* "A semi-private room? Ma'am, a semi-private room isn't going to put my body back together. I asked for insurance that would pay for putting me back together."

"I'm sorry, I know you're cancelling this plan, but we do have some great plans that would cover emergency room expenses, like..."

"Ma'am, again, I'm sorry, but you can't honestly think I'm going to buy insurance from your company again?"

"... the ChoiceCare 1000..."

"Thanks for your help, I'm going to fax this out today."

*click*

The search continues...

p.s. If you're curious to know the name of this "health insurance company," I'm not going to name names, but I will say that they sure didn't provide adequate healthplans.com

smile... because java loves you?

The folks over at Sun decided to give away "Java mugs" via their website, probably with the hope of generating some goodwill. Instead, they've only generated scorn. Why would anyone want such a mug in the first place? Granted, I consume more java than I program, but the idea of a getting anything for free (let alone something I could actually use on a semi-daily basis) is too alluring to ignore. At the very least, I figured I could give it to Steve has a gift -- it would be doubly ironic: he hates coffee & he hates Java.

Despite Sun's apparent benevolence, they evidently filled the box with generosity instead of packing material. The result was a shattered mug. DOA.

Steve never got his gift, but now I've got a pen/pushpin/business card holder. I think there also might be some symbolism here, but I'm not sure.

office with a view

Steve got to put his desk on the side of the living room with the windows, but I don't think he did it for the view.

phone call? must be a free recliner

Some days, you're being called by a Haitian woman looking for her Friday night dancing partner. Other days, you're getting harassed by a legal-sounding-type about someone named Alejandro. There are even days that you wish you're being called by anyone.

Today was a day that featured a phone call from our roommate, Chris, who told us about a recently- (and hastily-) vacated apartment next door. Our landlord offered us any and all of the furniture that we could carry. Steve and I hesitated only long enough to pause iTunes and get our jackets. The only trick would be carrying said furniture down three flights of the neighboring apartment and up three flights of our own building -- no small feat for two guys whose typical exercise regiment consists of a walk to and from the kitchen.

Needless to say, we got it home. It was only then that we found the instructions for "how to disassemble for easy and safe transportation." We also hadn't taken into consideration the general lack of space in our apartment, which was only highlighted by the massive grey recliner occupying a third of Steve's bedroom (and his is the big one...). There's also a degree of karmic justice at work here (yes, of course we believe in karmic justice) since Steve's beloved grey recliner from college was irreparably destroyed during our senior year. I believe the death knell sounded a lot like the vomiting of a drunk girl... no, in fact that's what caused its demise -- the vomit of a drunk girl.

The slightly soiled futon is hardly worth mentioning, let alone photographing. Fortunately, we don't get many overnight guests -- or guests, for that matter.

You never know what you're going to get when you pick up the phone, today we adopted an orphaned recliner, tomorrow... who knows?

** Note: title edited because I caught myself using a brand name -- Marketers: 1 Alexis: 0

another meal in front of a monitor, with anecdote

As I slurp down a full bowl of lentil soup, I am reminded of an interesting lesson I learned earlier this week on the flight back to Boston.

If you've ever flown AirTran (the airline formerly known as ValuJet) then you know about their rather bizarre boarding procedure. I've spent many minutes patiently waiting in the queue as my fellow passengers pause to load oversized bags into overhead compartments while others simply pause for no apparent reason. Alas, we are rather self-absorbed creatures... surely this can't ever actually be more efficient?

As a heated exchange unfolded in front of me, a flight attendant calmly instructed the two arguing women to take their seats, but not before insisting that this method has been "scientifically proven." In response to some skeptical gazes, she quickly admitted "it works better in some cities than in others." My interest piqued, I jokingly asked her "so what are you trying to say about Baltimore?"

"Oh, nothing, Baltimore isn’t nearly as bad as Boston."

"Great, I live there now. Am I the reason?"

"No, no, unless you also live in Chicago and New York – LaGuardia is the worst. I think it’s a big city thing… everyone’s so individualistic."

"But this procedure really works in other parts of the US?"

"Oh yes! All the Midwest cities board incredibly quickly. Maybe they’re more considerate or maybe they’re better at following directions – it just works."

Today, I followed the directions listed on my soup can. Baby steps...

top 10 web predictions for 2006

Everyone else seems to be writing one of these, so here goes...

1. Web 2.0 will be usurped by Web 3.0. There will be a bloody revolution and we'll revert to the barbarity of Web 1.0 before peace is finally restored and Web 2.5 is installed as a compromise.

2. It will be a record year for Wikipedia, with thousands of bios edited to include involvement in the RFK assassination.

3. The amount of information stored within tag clouds will finally reach critical mass and they will subsequently be phased out in favor of tag maelstroms.

4. Tagging will reach an all-time high, with tags being incorporated in every conceivable way into every possible website... and my mother still won't understand how the hell to use them.

5. AJAX will be replaced with another acronym, sexing up another web development technique that's been around since the early days of Mozilla.

6. Google share prices will continue to rise and I will continue to bug my dad for not listening to me back when they were only trading at <$100. Even long before the IPO, pundits were skeptical, confident that "for Google to stay permanently ahead of other search-engine technologies is almost impossible, since it takes so little—only a bright idea by another set of geeks—to lose the lead..." (unless those geeks get hired by Google first)

7. On June 10, 2006, the last available .com will be bought and squatted.

8. The military-trained and -armed dolphins supposedly set free by hurricane Katrina, but later reported as a myth, kill five off the coast of Maryland. The New York Times sits on this story for a year before releasing it. (OK, this one wasn't about the web, but I couldn't help it)

9. Steve and I will finally hit level 60 in World of Warcraft. By this time, professional Chinese item- and gold-farmers will outnumber normal players 2 to 1. Worked 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, they will still be treated better than Wal-Mart's employees.

10. Zombie dogs will rise from the dead (again) and news.com.au will be there to cover it all (again), with pictures. It will make the reddit front page and accumulate a record number of points until finally being retired at #1 on the top all-time page.

Don't believe any of this? Trust me, I've got a source... (from the future)

new addition yields higher productivity

I mentioned earlier that we had some bizarre habits, now we've purchased a novel device that accommodates these habits quite nicely.

This is a big improvement over the precarious stack of books and magazines teetering on a tissue box we had looming over the open toilet bowl.

(yes, that's my powerbook)

holding the line

“Thank you for holding the line.”

This isn’t a Spartan phalanx, it’s a friggin' customer service line – and you're on hold.

It's a fairly typical scenario: you've been grossly overcharged and want the appropriate rebate. I take the responsibility of doing these sort of mundane-but-necessary tasks so that Steve can spend his time doing more productive things. Meanwhile, a machine is reassuring me that “Personal customer service is our number one priority.”

I know I’m not the first to rant about this sort of thing (and I certainly won’t be the last), but isn’t it a bad sign when a company has to tell its customers that “your call is important to us” when their call clearly isn’t important enough to warrant a human interaction. The most vexing thing about this particular customer service line is that every 4 minutes or so, the recording is interrupted with a *click* one typically associates with a sentient being picking up the phone – it is only a trick. It’s really just another robot (this one is female and with a bit more sass) reminding you that you’re on hold.

Hey, they’ve got high-speed Windows-based hosting…
*sigh*


After fifteen minutes on hold I was promptly disconnected.

To make a long story short, I did finally get through to a human, Richard, but I’m pretty sure he looked nothing like the customer service agent that I was promised.

what day of the week is it?

It’s a more difficult question than you might think.

Having spent the last week back in the “real world,” coming back to the startup lifestyle took some adjusting. Back in this aforementioned world, the week is divided into seven equal units commonly referred to as “days.” They’ve been given names and our society has conferred unique distinctions on each of them – from “hump day” (a major misnomer) to “Friday” (marking the end of the traditional workweek, many regard this day as worthy of much thanks).

Back in this world, the week is broken up into “Must-see TV Thursdays” and “Monday Night Football Mondays.” In the startup bubble, these distinctions quickly fade and days of the week become strikingly less relevant. There are of course exceptions, particularly when this “real world” collides with that of a startup; you find yourself scratching your head at this silly notion of a bank being closed on a Sunday, as if there were a day you could simply unplug your dot.com.

If it weren’t for these interactions with the outside world, days would (and usually do) simply blur into one another. Your dad shouldn’t be surprised (or concerned) when he wakes you up with a phone call at 1pm on a Tuesday and you can’t recall what day of the week it is:

“What day is it? I dunno, it’s a workday.”

“Yeah, I know Alexis, I’ve been at work for the last six hours.”

“Today’s not Sunday?”

“No, it’s Tuesday.”

“Oh.”

“You’re running a business and you don’t know what day of the week it is?”

“It’s a workday, that’s all I need to know.”

unstealth! redditWall!

This afternoon, word got out that reddit has a new wall (well, it’s the same old wall, but with a new design). redditWall is about to go live! Remember that name.

redditWall.

Let me first apologize for not mentioning this before. In fact, I wasn't going to blog about this, because I really believe that one shouldn't hype up something without having something to show. But you know what? Here it is.

So what is it, and why would a couple recent college graduates put off doing actual work on the site to paint it?

It's a wall, but with the reddit mascot crudely painted on it.

redditWall is like most other cinderblock, whitewashed walls, but with one major aesthetic difference: it has an alien from the future painted on it. At reddit, we strongly believe that a wall's life hasn't begun until it's been decorated with a mascot.

To be honest, this isn't actually what our wall looks like. In fact, we have no interest whatsoever in painting anything on our walls (we prefer the sterility of white walls — that, and we don’t know where to buy paint).

tryptophantastic

With a belly full of turkey, I’m writing to give some thanks – albeit some unconventional thanks. (If you want the traditional thank you list, it's here)

And now for something completely different:

I'd like to use this post to thank all the people who have ever discouraged, criticized, and doubted -- for you may very well be the best motivation there is.

Positive reinforcement always gets the praise (fitting, I suppose) for being a driving force in most people's lives. Not surprising, given how much people enjoy receiving it.

But what about the chip-on-the-shoulder-forming folks whose faces you envision on the dartboard? Personally, the people who motivate (intentionally or not) through negative reinforcement have always been an incredible impetus in my life.

A football coach I had (yes, I played football -- albeit for only a year) specialized in this type of motivation. Nowadays, there's no one in sweats blaring a whistle at me in between gruff curses and putdowns (despite my requests, Steve won't comply), but there's still plenty of motivation out there to prove all the believers right and all the naysayers wrong.

Thanks, coach.

//thanks for the title suggestion Connor, even though by "title suggestion" I mean "the text that I blatantly stole from your away message and used as my title."

it's been too long

I know it's been a while since my last update. I had always assumed that my mother was the only one who really kept up with this, but coming home for Thanksgiving, she confirmed it:

"What happened to your online diary?"

"Mom, it's not a diary, I told you that because calling it a 'blog' wouldn't make any sense to you."

"Fine, your blog diary, why has nothing new happened in your life?"

"It's not that, it's just that I haven't had anything that I wanted to sit down and write about."

"But I've 'reddit all' and I want something new."

"Well, hopefully something will come up that's worth writing about. If not, I'll just do what I always do -- write about random nonsense."

Speaking of which, why is it that the blogger spellcheck flags "blog" as a misspelled word?

perk perq

I've learned from an undisclosed, but authoritative, source that great hackers drink coffee, tea, soda, or some other form of caffeine.

Despite these social pressures, coupled with the need to sustain long coding binges, Steve doesn't consume any of the aforementioned stimulants. He apparently has no need to.

Even our mascot drinks coffee (see today's header img).

It's rather perplexing, but it means that my roommate and I don't need to share any of our coffee with Steve. We certainly drink enough to compensate for him, though.

...must remember...it's not an addiction until you admit you have one...

//was that photo a shameless product spot? Absolutely. Your coffee/tea/hot chocolate will thank you.

a small epiphany with two eggs over medium

Recipe for egg sandwich:

2 eggs (preferably the brown ones, just because they seem healthier, see bread)
2 slices of bread (whole wheat, because you're trying to be healthy)
1 slice of cheese (the type doesn't matter)
a dab of butter (for the frying pan)

I'd go into further detail about how to actually prepare this egg sandwich, but if you can't figure out how to fry an egg, you're probably Steve.

As I sat down to eat this fantastic breakfast (ideal for a startup budget because they are not only cheap to make and tasty, but also remotely healthy), I realized something quite comforting.

Keep in mind that every now and then you wake up with this unshakable worry that while you were sleeping, someone has not only replicated everything you've been working on, but also everything you've been planning, and done it ten times better.

But back to the comforting thing: all of the other websites that have or will have mascots will eventually be defeated, because ours is the only one who comes back from the future.

//thanks to chris, zak, and steve

symposium, eh?

One of the great things about being located in Cambridge (and the big advantage it has over living in, say, Charlottesville, Virginia) is the abundance of lectures/symposiums that seem to be held on an almost daily basis. Not only are they in great quantity, they are also typically catered.

This particular event was Corante's Symposium on Social Architecture, which featured a talk entitled: How Will The Social Web Change Media? It was indeed well-catered (although I only stuck around for the last two sessions).

Needlesstosay, reddit didn't come up in the panel discussion, but there was some genuinely good discussion about the effect of the web on the media. Things got interesting during the following session, when web-based civics was discussed. Plenty of people talked about encouraging municipalities to install WiFi (a choice quote from NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg: "Will we have to dig up the streets?"), but no one mentioned Google's aspirations.

I wonder who will get it done first...

hero of the day

The great Aaron Swartz graced us with his presence, only to succumb to our music selection. Only a few minutes into Master of Puppets, he was rendered totally incapacitated. We have found his kryptonite.

light at the end of the tunnel (it's the candles on a birthday cake)

We've had a week of unbelievable productivity (possibly inspired by spez's drive to accomplish all that he could before leaving the enviable 21st year of his life for the mundane 22nd).

Happy birthday spez.

Not that it'll make much of a difference; you'll still get asked for three forms of identification whenever we go out for a drink.

presentation blitz

You've said the elevator pitch so many times that the words lose all meeting. The key, as far as I can tell, is to avoid trying to memorize and recite it. There's usually just a few key ideas I try to always get in (read: none of them are web 2.0 buzzwords, like "web 2.0"). This keeps it fresh every time, which seems to make it a better experience for everyone involved.

We were invited to present reddit this week at the Boston Web Innovators meeting and the Berkman Blog Group. This was a remarkable contrast to our normal levels of human interaction, which usually peak when our third roommate comes home from the lab. All of a sudden, you've got the attention of a room full of people, some of whom are even interested in what you're working on (or at the very least, need to put up with listening for the next 10 minutes). Fortunately, speaking about the site nowadays comes fairly naturally, considering it's almost the only thing we ever seem to be thinking/talking/dreaming about.

Valuable lessons learned included the following: if you are ever worried about winning over an audience, people love free stickers and pins. Now if only I could remember to bring enough business cards... (or if only stickers were a suitable alternative).

reddited?

I suppose it was only a matter of time before this happened...

Thanks, askjigga. Hopefully you'll get some good karma for this.