this was supposed to be another fluff entry

As most of you know, it's been a pretty turbulent week for us. We’re sorry for the trouble our negligence has caused. Our hope was to be as forthcoming we could be as quickly as possible – and I believe we were. There were some voices of understanding and forgiveness from the community, which we were grateful to see, but we know that we’ve got work to do.

Steve (spez), who built reddit, has been bearing the brunt of this in the comments pages, but this was a decision we’d both – wrongly – agreed to make back when we were holed up in our apartment last summer. This was our mistake; we fucked up and we’re learning from it.

Admittedly, I’m biased, but Steve’s the one who would cook Aaron breakfast in the morning, help Chris with revisions of the recommendation engine, and even let me win a few times at Blitz.

The fact is that Steve has been the guy from day one single-handedly keeping reddit online, even sleeping with his laptop for the first few months to do so. My contribution to the actual website you use starts and ends with the alien in the corner. When there are DNS troubles, I’m trying to figure out what to doodle, Steve’s on the phone with the tech folks.

Phew. OK, I’m done. None of that is an excuse for what happened, it just needed to be said.

Anyway, I was hoping to have spent this post talking about all the cartoon references from this past week’s logos, so here goes…

By the time I was able to figure out how to end last week's series (thanks, Mr. Watterson) it dawned on me that I could spend an entire week ripping off paying homage to my favorite cartoons.

Naturally, Calvin & Hobbes -- my all-time favorite -- would be first, despite how adamant Bill Watterson was about not commercializing his cartoons (sorry).

One of our users found a neat little hack to display backwards text and it seemed like a good enough reason to have an intermission from the cartoon theme.

Gary Larson's cartoons were so wonderfully dark, I don't think anyone would be surprised if that cow had something to do with the outage.

Tom Tomorrow has probably had a little bit too much material to use for the last six years, but his cartoons continue to be as pointed as ever. I also have a hunch he likes penguins, which makes him good people.

This was a reference to the first xkcd cartoon I'd read, which Steve had forwarded to me. Now I'm hooked; it's both entertaining and instructive.

Up next is Y Combinator appreciation week...

time machine

I'm not sure how this could actually be an instructive blog entry for anyone, but my hope was that it'd at least be moderately entertaining. Admittedly, reddit hasn't changed much since we started it 18 months ago -- excluding random logo doodles -- but it has changed nonetheless.

I can't help but wonder what Pierre Francois would have to say about this.

Oh well, come and laugh along with us...

This was just a static html page so we could play around with the css. It was the first version of what would become reddit. Back then, it was called snew, as in "what's new". We'd have used snew.com as our domain name, but the owner is apparently using it for other things (?).

We switched to something a bit less conventional for a "news site", since we weren't trying to build a traditional news website. The alien was still in its infancy -- I wanted it to be even bigger. Steve said no.

This was the first version of reddit that was actually online. This screen capture is dated June 23, 2005. I can only imagine what those first users were thinking...

Actually, I know what they were thinking because they were all friends and family of ours. Frankly, most were probably wondering why there wasn't a mascot on the site.

Most of our early design scribblings happened in PaintShopPro 5. It was a shareware copy and yes, I was on a PC running WindowsXP at the time. This was a late-night idea for the user profile before we even had user profiles (or users, for that matter).

July 1, 2005: Thanks, byrneseyeview. I'd forgotten about this one I'd uploaded a little while back. I believe the yellow bar indicated 'hotness' and the orange-red bar indicated total score. If you remember when reddit looked like this, you are truly l33t.

July 2, 2005: The bars have been vanquished! We've arrived at a layout that's pretty similar to the reddit of today -- a list of links and lots of whitespace. But where are the sort options?

A friend of ours from school, Connor, had suggested a few layout ideas, including this newspaper-esque layout. At the time, there'd been a great deal of discussion about whether or not we should have topics and if we did have them, how they should be created and organized.

As you can tell, we didn't listen to Connor, but to his credit, he's still our friend.

July 13, 2005: Still had interesting/boring links for voting and the new sort options are relegated over to the far right (squint, you'll see them).

July 14, 2005: The sort options were quickly relocated and we'd added arrows to 'boost' the story. We demoed this version to the other YC startups and I'll never forget the sage feedback we received. "More head and less shaft" (regarding the arrows, of course).

July 27, 2005: The RTM button! (If you know what that is, thanks, you've been a loyal user for way too long) This was a precursor to the [hide] button.

August 10, 2005: Here's what our first profile page looked like. See how long it takes you to find the profile buttons...

September 17, 2005: Starting to look familiar now, but look carefully, there are faint circles around each arrow (wtf?).

October 22, 2005: We eventually changed the [recommend] button to [share] since it wasn't quite clear what recommend meant -- especially once we turned on the recommended page. The names of the sort buttons got truncated and [top submitters] grew to a broader [stats] page, but those un-rounded buttons have stood for the last year.

Granted, there are certainly improvements we'd still like to make to the reddit UI and overall design, but we'd like to think we've made some progress.

I know my biggest regret is giving in to a 120x40 pixel logo. But these sacrifices make us better people, or so I'm told.


And here's a bonus image!

We weren't always on the best of terms with the alien...

in the quiet car

It's an Amtrak headed home toward DC and I've just sat down in the quiet car. My iPod is on and Kirk just ended a guitar solo. Digging through my backpack, I find the book I've been "finishing" for the last three weeks -- now is the perfect time.

The train is pretty full and there's a well dressed girl sitting in the row across from me. There's a Tiffany^tm bracelet on her wrist and pearl earrings in her ears. Everything about her seems to be so meticulously manicured, so perfectly performed.

There's a guy sitting next to her, probably captain of the lacrosse team. Christ, he's even got blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm choking on cliche at this point.

Trying to distract myself, I notice that the holes in my jeans have gotten bigger; it's verging on indecent exposure. Maybe mom is right, maybe it's time to buy new ones. But oh well, back to the book, there's another hundred pages ahead.

Go, shorty
It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's your birthday

Her ringtone.

I thought this was the quiet car.

She tears through her purse to find it.

"Yes? --"

A conductor interrupts her.

"This is the quiet car! Take that phone, your stuff, and move to another car right now!"

It seemed a bit excessive, but it's not like she didn't know what car she was getting into.

She looks up at him with the same eyes she probably uses on her dad whenever she needs to explain away some exorbitant credit card bills.

It's not clear if she's talking to him or the phone.

"OK."

Her boyfriend isn't much help.

"The rules apply to you, just like everyone else."

She's not listening; she tells her Nokia "I need to call you back, Daddy."

With that, the flips the phone shut and he walks away triumphantly.

A limp hand reaches across the seat to meet her boyfriend's.

"They had to rush her into surgery. I didn't get to say goodbye."

happy halloween

Be warned, this is just a copy & paste from our reddit blog, but in case you missed it...

This morning, CondeNet acquired reddit. (Whoever submits this first is due for some major karma!) Needless to say, we're pretty excited.

We started reddit to solve a problem: There was tons of stuff on the Web; we wanted a front page to help us find the best of it.

Y Combinator took a chance on us and although we may have programmed reddit, we're not kidding ourselves: you all have made it everything that it is. A number of you even stuck with us after we switched away from Lisp.

As reddit grew, we were never quite sure where it would take us. To keep up with reddit's growth, we'd need to decide between taking more investment or getting acquired. As much as we enjoyed VCs taking us out to lunch, CondeNet's pitch was a little more enticing (they had better food).

We're still going to be the guys reading your feedback emails and keeping reddit chugging along. We've also been given about as much autonomy as an acquired company could get. In fact, they've insisted that we focus on growing reddit. With their resources, we're looking to do some neat things in the coming months.

The alien is also quite pleased.

fall behind, catch up

This is a bit overdue, so I’m cramming together a week and change of updates. The only remotely interesting part of this entry is at the bottom; due to popular demand, we turned on science.reddit.com.

I used to hate raking leaves. But it was one of those many character-building activities (read: manual labor) my dad had me do growing up. He even bought me my own rake.

I never got the pet penguin I’d always asked for.

So there was never a plausible scapegoat for the mess.

I also never understood why Leif Erikson Day never got the respect it deserved.

Pity that Newfoundland isn’t an ideal location to arrive in North America…

If only those Vikings had science.reddit.com (just launched), who knows how much better off they might have been once they landed?

comic book nostalgia

It started with a trip to the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co. last week. The friend who took me suggested a week of superhero-themed logos. Then a week later, over burritos, Justin suggested the same thing.

It had to be done.

Growing up, comics were the only things I ever read. I also started drawing by replicating my favorite superheroes, so it seemed quite appropriate -- albeit random.

Bruce Wayne: Proving that superheroes don't need superpowers. The Dark Knight was requested by both of my aforementioned friends and the penguin was just asking for it.

The movie adaptations were blockbusters, but the Spiderman cartoon show always kept me from doing homework. In fact, the blasted theme song is running through my head right now...

Everyone's favorite X-Man, Wolverine's got an indestructible Adamantium skeleton, wicked claws, keen reflexes, and regeneration, making him quite formidable. On top of that, he's Canadian.

There were a few requests for assorted members of the Fantastic 4, so cramming them all in 120px by 40px image seemed like an reasonable solution.

V from V for Vendetta. I'd never read the comic until after I saw the movie. The timing for this header was largely coincidental, but apparently many redditors found it rather appropriate.

pirates vs. ninjas

"Arrr. Where be the logo cartoons?"

I dunno. Been busy with other stuff. Guess I haven't been "inspired", maybe I need a muse or something.

"Yarr! But today be a special day. It shouldn't be harrrrrrrrd."

Stop talking like that, Steve... Wait a tick... What's this on the reddit front page? "No Pirate-themed Reddit Alien? ARRRRRGH!"

Curses! I forgot!

(Yes, some of you longtime redditors probably noticed that I reused last year's halloween logo, I was in a bit of a hurry, but I did add a hook, which should count for something.)
After it was online, Steve reminded me that we had to appease the ninja-supporters, so as to not appear to be pirate-biased. A lot of consideration goes into these special logos.

Once a ninja got into the act, though, it was going to be difficult explaining how a pirate could conceivably emerge victorious. After all, the purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

I imagine Thursday was a day of great mourning within the pirate community.

However, as any devoted Pastafarian knows, pirates are favored by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and we cannot begin to comprehend the effect of being touched by His noodly appendage.

redditors in bangkok, reporting live on military coup

Sure, today is talk like a pirate day, but this really deserves precedence. Yarrrrrr.

A few of our users happen to be in Bangkok at the moment and one of them, Alpha_Binary, has been giving the reddit community live updates regarding the situation as it's unfolded. Watching this thread grow throughout the day has really been remarkable.

Never thought I'd be reading such an account on a reddit comment page...

Sure enough, there's a whole slew of flickr photos to complement his reporting. Hopefully this coup will remain bloodless (at the time of this writing, as far as I know, it still is).

Despite everything, he's even managed to find some good in all this:

On an unrelated note, looks like my chemistry exam tomorrow is going to be canceled; making the first good news in several hours.

kiko sold for $258,100

Our friends, Emmett Shear and Justin Kan, actually requested this header last week when their startup (kiko.com) was put up for auction on eBay. They wanted something to mark the end of kiko and subsequent birth of their new project.

I'd considered dumping it into a recycle bin instead of a trash can, but it was too hard to draw.

We're sorry to see this less-than-ideal exit for kiko, but you can be sure that a good chunk of that final sale price will be put toward their next project, which Justin assures "will revolutionise the way people think about the web".

I'm not at liberty to discuss just what it is they're working on, but it just might change revolutionise the way you think about the web ;-)

snakes on a reddit

You can tell that I've run out of things to write about, so I'll just be using this as a place for explaining the rather bizarre reddit logo designs I sometimes make.

Fortunately, today's doesn't really need much of an explanation.

We saw the midnight showing last night, the movie exceeded all of my expectations. It was as though everyone involved in its production knew it was bad. And they embraced it.

Thanks, Internet, for making this movie everything that it was. Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane.

And they were going to call it Pacific Air Flight 121...

negativitynuke 2.0.3

Every now and then, we get reddit feedback emails from friends of ours. These are often informal exchanges, which we normally treat in the same manner as any other feedback email. This one happened to be from Zak Stone.

But this time, just for fun, I decided to reply with not only the callousness of a gigantic megacorp's customer service department, but also with an oversized attachment of aggression (in .doc format, just to vex him).

Here's what I got in response:


*** THIS IS AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE *** DO NOT REPLY ***

We're sorry to inform you that NegativityNuke 2.0.3 has flagged your message as overwhelmingly negative, so it has been summarily expunged from the intended recipient's inbox.

If you believe your message was obliterated in error, please try again, but don't be such a jackass this time.

Processed 8.6.06 18:44:09

--------------------------------------
NegativityNuke is a registered trademark of ThinkPositive Inc. If other people's small-minded invective is bringing you down, inquire about our automated solutions. We have helped thousands of individuals, corporations, and government agencies "See No Evil".

public service announcement

A friend of mine, Carl Tashian, was sympathetic to my health insurance plight after quitting his job to begin his own startup -- now he's written a great blog post about getting some protection in the Commonwealth.

I also feel compelled to mention the 2006 Wikimania awards and suggest that you nominate something. As if you needed any more incentive ;-) Xeni Jardin agreed to be an offsite judge for the contest.

some things i've noticed

So we've been doing this startup for a little over a year now. Steve and I had just graduated from college when we moved up to Boston (Medford, to be precise) to start reddit. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, we thought we did, but we didn't. In fact, we still don't. But we did have a great group of folks to learn from and learn with.

Oh right, and we also had some rather smart, experienced, and helpful investors.

We've learned quite a bit over the last year. There's a new batch of summer founders now and we try to be the ones with A's to their Q's. Having started a year earlier, we certainly had our share of advantages; once Web 2.0 was on the cover of Newsweek, it was clear that things were going to get crowded fast.

So I suppose this is for those summer founders (who I'll inevitably spam with six emails telling them to read this) or anyone else interested in starting a startup.

Unless you're going to create a reddit-killer. If so, you'd better just move along.

For those of you who don't know, let me preface this by warning you that the following is coming from someone who is neither the hacker behind reddit, nor the co-author of RSS, nor a frigging experimental atomic physicist -- I draw the aliens and do the things hackers shouldn't have to think about (like writing frivolous blog entries about startup life). As a naive 23 year old, I probably have no right to be giving advice.

With that out of the way, here's some unsolicited advice:

Karma exists (not just on reddit)
With a startup, I think there's a tendency to cultivate the "us vs. the world" mentality. Fact is, people -- especially in the geek community -- are incredibly helpful, so try and be even more helpful.

Gut check
Figure out early what you're in it for and have a chat with your co-founders about it. You're going to need that motivation when things get difficult (and they will) because you'll rely on one another to push on. No matter how much your mother loves you, you're married now -- only there's no sex.*

Listen to your users
Granted, a site like reddit facilitates this sort of thing, but I think it could be applied to plenty of others. Respond to every feedback email, especially early on. There will be good suggestions and bad suggestions, but the final decision needs to be your own -- just always be respectful to whomever you're dealing with.

Don't hawk snake oil
It's just not safe. It's also a terrible startup idea.

Wake up every morning to your competition
It helps to know what's going on with all of your competitors, try to learn from their mistakes and keep track of their successes. Google news alerts are great for this.

Lame companies exist, and will continue to, despite being lame
Verizon, the Cingular Store @ Porter Square, AOL, Bank of America, Surehealthplans.com, have all done really lame things to us (and likely others) yet don't suffer the kind of wrath a startup would. Get over it. Keep a list, but get over it.

<3 Bloggers
This is where your early traffic is likely to come from (no, not just TechCrunch). Courting mainstream media publications probably isn't going to bring you the traffic you want, either in quantity or in quality. Most of the early adopters you're looking for don't read technology sections for the latest and greatest innovations. It wouldn't hurt to monitor a feed from a blog search of your website. Ask for more feedback from bloggers who've trashed you and try even harder to get it from the bloggers who've praised you. It also helps if you get Paul Graham to mention your site in his essays.

Everyone is going to give you advice
See? Always be open to it, but never take it as dogma.

None of this really matters
Ultimately, there are more important things in life than your startup.


*I realized later that this isn't necessarily the case, but the sentence just didn't read as well. After writing that sentence, I realized that it's actually just like a marriage, precisely because there is no sex.

cingular: lowering the bill (a howto)

This is something I else I learned from my father that I've had to call upon (pun not intended) more times than I'd like to admit ever since I started paying for my own cellphone bill.

Growing up, my mother had lots of family back home in Germany who -- despite the stereotypical German fondness for succinctness -- loved to chat. Every now and then (during particularly eventful months, or uneventful depending on how you look at it) a particularly high phone bill would send my father to the phone. He'd explain to whomever was on the other end that we'd gone over what we'd expected for the month and a "please" and "thank you" later we'd be credited a nice chunk of cash.

He told me that phone companies were adamant about keeping customers and would be willing to shave off a few bucks if it meant retaining a client (presumably because the cost to get a new one is higher than the cost to reimburse? I didn't figure that part out until I was older).

Today, we don't have a landline. We haven't had one since we started (there was a brief period at the outset when we were forced to use AOL in lieu of a real internet connection). We do have cell phones, though, and a family talk plan with Cingular. We started with the most basic plan they had because we had few people to be talking to (Steve's girlfriend is also a Cingular user, so her calls were free) and we could let the rollover minutes pile up.

Last year, we weren't spending any time on the phone with companies and individuals who operated during the typical workday -- now that we are, we've drained the reserves. Our first overage cost a little over $150. That's a lot of pizza.

Of that, we got about $100 credited back using the same technique explained earlier, which was employed just a couple days ago to remove another overage fee (about $54).

Once you've navigated through the push-a-button menu (mashing 0 until you're connected with a human usually works for me) and are speaking with a billing agent. Simply explain your surprise with your most recent bill and ask if he/she would please credit the overage back (if you've been good about paying regularly it wouldn't hurt to bring that up, too). You should only be a thank you away from getting reimbursed.

On this most recent attempt, I was told that "it was already in the system and there's nothing we can do". Curious, especially because I'd just asked to upgrade the plan by an extra two hundred minutes. Maybe they'd caught on? Undeterred, I called back and found myself speaking with another agent. It was credited within a few minutes.

Nothing fancy here, no lines or strategies, all that's required is politeness and a few minutes of your time. Don't let the wireless carriers win, especially not Cingular.

ingredients for web 2.0 success?

This guy (Pierre Francois) embodies everything that is wrong with web 2.0.

I wonder if he's getting invited to foo camp?

this land

Just got off the roof after being shaken by a few explosions, there's a parade going through the square. In true startup fashion, I'd forgotten that this was Memorial Day weekend here in the USA. On that roof, hearing the marching bands perform songs I'd learned in gradeschool, I was reminded of a song -- or rather, verses of a song -- that I was never taught. It even took me two failed attempts on ITunes to purchase the right version of the song. My father was always keen on reminding me that there were several verses of Woody Guthrie's classic "This Land Is Your Land" that never made it into my classrooms or Boy Scout meetings. I'd like to share them with you:

This Land Is Your Land

This land is your land This land is my land
From California to the New York island;
From the red wood forest to the Gulf Stream waters
This land was made for you and Me.

As I was walking that ribbon of highway,
I saw above me that endless skyway:
I saw below me that golden valley:
This land was made for you and me.

I've roamed and rambled and I followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts;
And all around me a voice was sounding:
This land was made for you and me.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling,
And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling,
As the fog was lifting a voice was chanting:
This land was made for you and me.

As I went walking I saw a sign there
And on the sign it said "No Trespassing."
But on the other side it didn't say nothing,
That side was made for you and me.

In the shadow of the steeple I saw my people,
By the relief office I seen my people;
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking
Is this land made for you and me?

Nobody living can ever stop me,
As I go walking that freedom highway;
Nobody living can ever make me turn back
This land was made for you and me.

usability testing & soy lattes

As far as I can tell (and I've done extensive research) they have nothing in common.

However, for a startup that hasn't accepted VC funding, the thought of two-way-mirror focus group research may seem both frivolous and needlessly expensive (but mostly the latter). That's certainly what I thought. It was in a conversation on the T with Aaron that he suggested some kind of testing to observe how new users interacted with the site. The lightbulb flickered.

We're coming up on reddit's one year anniversary and we hadn't once watched -- literally watched -- someone use our site for the first time. Sure, we'd been in the presence of friends who were checking up on new links, but they'd all done it many times before.

I'm talking about watching total strangers, most of whom are frank enough to tell you what's wrong (alcohol would guarantee near-absolute candor, but at the cost of some accuracy). This is where the soy latte comes in. Incidentally, latte is Italian for bribe.

It started at Starbucks, looking for users who'd be our target market for lipstick, reddit with the cherry-flavored gloss of celebrity gossip. After that, I went to Diesel (the green mermaid's foil across the street) to seek out future redditors.

With Powerbook in hand, it was just a matter of approaching subjects with a smile and the offer of a free coffee, pastry, or anything (really, startup founders don't have the same inhibitions most people do) to get them to try out a new website. Most people turned down the coffee, of those that didn't, none ordered a soy latte.

Caffeinated or not, they sat down and diligently tinkered with the site (all the while thinking aloud as I'd instructed). What we learned was quite interesting and my only regret is that we hadn't done it sooner, but hopefully we can make good use of what we discovered.

the view from up here

A few more pics, just because I'm so stoked about the roof:

That's Davis Square you're looking at.

The roof itself is a charming blend of decrepitude (a funny word) and rust.

I'm going to write something tomorrow that may actually add some value to your life, thanks for bearing with me.

new headquarters

Did we finally cave in, take VC funding, and move to the Valley? Or just get evicted?

Actually, neither. Our lease was coming to an end and we found another place in Somerville. There are some important differences between our old and new apartment that should be noted:

• Now, we each have our own bedroom.
  
• Our new apartment is on Davis Square --really, it's smack in the middle of it-- which means we only have to stumble a few feet to find hearty and cheap portions of Kung Pao chicken and free large pizza Mondays (with the purchase of another large).
  
• The old apartment had a scary basement, the new apartment has a scary basement AND roof access.
  
• Somehow, despite the superiority of the new apartment, it is $100 a month cheaper than the old one and that includes heat. The place must be cursed.
  

Aaron is already enjoying the advantages of a new apartment, he gets a bedroom. Not that there was anything wrong with the old setup.

Apparently living in the kitchen --with such a close proximity to food-- isn't as great as it might seem.

The new room certainly has advantages, namely light (and natural to boot) and a desk. We're still working on furnishing the rest, but there's a bed in there, it's just out of frame, trust me...

toppling a tshirt tyranny and taking a trip to california

(sorry for the alliteration, it's a shame we're not flying to Texas or Tulsa)

It's been a while, I know, but even I couldn't find anything to blog about. That's not to say that I've found something worth writing about (or more importantly, written something worth reading), but it's about time I updated this thing.

First, it's worth mentioning that we've broken the oppressive chains of CafePress by printing our own reddit Tshirts. After spending way too much time folding them all (I still can't do this) it seemed appropriate to capture the image for posterity, so that my progeny could see how their father spent his "startup days."

If you'd like to take one (or twenty) of these off our hands, look no further. We also couldn't afford real models... so we had to improvise.

Second, (if my the shirts were "worth mentioning," than I suppose this would be, too) it looks like we're heading out to Startup School 2006 at Stanford (although Aaron was only there for a year, he's assured us that he can still get around campus). If you missed the first one, you can find most of the presentations online, but the mp3 of Steve Wozniak doesn't really do him justice. Apparently, there's a petition to get him to speak this time around, but there are plenty of great speakers already on the official list.

So if you're in the area (or are making the trip -- yes, it's that worth it, especially considering it's free), just fill out this form.

startups are hard, let's buy something

I'd been meaning to write this entry for quite some time, but a submission on reddit today encouraged me to finally get this online.

Like many people, I'd heard about the less-than-inspiring Teen Talk Barbie doll that encouraged a generation of young girls to avoid the rigors of math class in favor of shopping. "Math class is tough" and "Let's go shopping" were two individual phrases that when paired together in quick succession, produced hilarious results (in hindsight, at the time a number of parents complained to Mattel). Nevertheless, it's not as though Barbie hadn't already done a remarkable job reinforcing stifling gender roles (and stifling body types -- seriously, judging from Barbie's inhuman proportions, she didn't even need to open her mouth).

This quote came up during a conversation I was having with Aaron a little while back and he pointed me to the accomplishments of the BLO (Barbie Liberation Organization).

I needed one for myself.

With that, I scoured eBay for a version of the doll and a week and $20 later, I had my very own Teen Talk Barbie.

She needed new batteries. The free ones included with the doll were leaking a white powder and Aaron suggested that I buy new ones, as well as wash my hands before making myself lunch.

The day finally came. With trembling fingers I fiddled with the back of her shirt (how cliche) until I found what I was looking for...

"Meet me at the mall."

That's right, c'mon Barbie...

"I love to dance."

OK. A bit random, but that's fine, you'd rather be dancing than learning in math class, right?

"Wanna have a pizza party?"

No, Barbie, I don't, I want you to tell me how tough math class is.

"School friends are the best."

She's been hacked!

It turns out that with a little research, I would have learned that the offending Barbie phrase(s) were replaced with others (presumably with obviously fake phrases like "School friends are the best").

Oh well. Now that I had bought a doll (not my first), I needed to do something with it, so I played with my Predator action figure (does not talk).

aluminum bundles of joy

Want to see what freedom looks like? Look no further. It's the feeling you get after cutting the umbilical cord connecting you to your abomination of a hosting company and installing some fresh servers of your own in a nearby datacenter.

how to feed a startup

There are plenty of great, well-respected resources on the subject of starting a startup and this blog is not one of them. Some of the best writers not only address important topics, but also offer solutions in easily digestible "how to" form. Crucial issues like how to fund a startup are often addressed, but other less glamorous issues are often neglected and left for hacks like me.

And with that, I present "how to feed a startup."

My friends from Maryland will remember latenight drives to our local Royal Farms convenience store where we first discovered what happens to all the unpurchased Krispy Kreme doughnuts. They are carefully inventoried and then violently dumped into a garbage bag that ends up in the back of a truck. I couldn't let this massacre continue -- unlike the U.N.'s treatment of genocide in Darfur -- I felt obligated to immediately intervene. This is how a half-full (note: not half-empty) sack of slightly-misshapen doughnuts ended up on my backseat.

I soon learned that doughnuts (esp. the jelly variety) do not keep well, despite my best efforts to resurrect them (microwave). However, I'd learned an important lesson (not about microwaving doughnuts, but about how to get free food).

Tonight, when I walked passed our local cafe/bakery after-hours, I noticed the two remaining employees emptying all of the day's baked goods into a trashbag. Deja vu. A glitch in the Matrix, whatever. I frantically tapped on the glass and employed a well-honed strategy that I'm sharing with you, dear reader:

Puppy eyes. The more pathetic/hungry you look, the better.

I told them about the undernourished programmers back at the apartment and they acquiesed -- no one wants that weighing on their conscience. By the time they handed me the second baguette, I insisted that I couldn't carry any more and would gladly keep returning at closing time to horde the day's leftovers.

This is routine at just about any establishment that bakes its own food and adheres to its "baked fresh daily" policy. Just remember to look pitiful, be polite, and enjoy the spoils. Now that you know my secret, use it wisely. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

--

Some of you may also be wondering why all this food is going to waste and not being dropped off at a local soup kitchen, for instance. I've inquired about this, and although there are some exceptions, most owners told me that it would either be too much of a hassle or that the local charity organizations simply don't want it. Food for thought.

i miss health insurance

It's one of those things you take for granted when you're in college and still covered by your parents' plan. Without it, you find yourself walking a bit more gingerly over patches of ice and taking a couple extra looks before stepping out into traffic. Lately, my parents have begun to really insist that I get some health insurance, after all, I'd been going without any for a while now (even though I still carry around the expired card, hoping that I can keep up the ruse in the emergency room for just long enough to get treated).

When you're young, fairly healthy (despite a limited diet and even more limited exercise) and a non-smoker, you'd expect this process to be fairly smooth (after all, we're the low-risk customers that these insurance companies love to draw their monthly fees from). Given this, the appropriate plan would cover a couple routine doctor's visits and some kind of coverage for the "get hit by a bus" scenario. Oh, and it'd be cheap, too (it's kind of depressing thinking about the cost of your health care in the number of servers it could buy).

Before long, I found myself on the phone with a sales agent for [unnamed insurance agency] who had a great quote for me that appeared to meet all of my requirements. In fact, the image of that incoming bus was in my head when I asked, "This plan will cover a catastrophic event, like me getting hit by a bus, right? That's a big deal to me. I need those emergency room bills to be covered." The voice assured me, "Yes. You'll be covered."

With that, I handed over my credit card information and looked forward to getting my new insurance card in the mail (I was given a choice between laminated and glossy, I went with laminated for the extra durability).

The next day, I was suddenly struck with what I believe is known as "buyer's remorse," which you'd think -- as an American -- I'd be used to by now. Nevertheless, I felt the urge to call and cancel my new plan. The woman I spoke with insisted that I'd need to fax over a termination & refund request, which I had no problem doing, but I had one more question to ask before I hung up:

"So, on this insurance policy that I'm cancelling, what would have happened if I'd been hit by a bus?"

"Well, this policy doesn't cover that."

"What do you mean? What if I got hit by a truck? Would it cover that?"

"No, no. This policy doesn't cover emergency room bills."

"Are you kidding me?! I explicitly asked for that coverage and was told I was getting it."

"Well, you would be entitled to a semi-private room at the hospital."

*laughing, in a Galgenhumor sort of way* "A semi-private room? Ma'am, a semi-private room isn't going to put my body back together. I asked for insurance that would pay for putting me back together."

"I'm sorry, I know you're cancelling this plan, but we do have some great plans that would cover emergency room expenses, like..."

"Ma'am, again, I'm sorry, but you can't honestly think I'm going to buy insurance from your company again?"

"... the ChoiceCare 1000..."

"Thanks for your help, I'm going to fax this out today."

*click*

The search continues...

p.s. If you're curious to know the name of this "health insurance company," I'm not going to name names, but I will say that they sure didn't provide adequate healthplans.com

smile... because java loves you?

The folks over at Sun decided to give away "Java mugs" via their website, probably with the hope of generating some goodwill. Instead, they've only generated scorn. Why would anyone want such a mug in the first place? Granted, I consume more java than I program, but the idea of a getting anything for free (let alone something I could actually use on a semi-daily basis) is too alluring to ignore. At the very least, I figured I could give it to Steve has a gift -- it would be doubly ironic: he hates coffee & he hates Java.

Despite Sun's apparent benevolence, they evidently filled the box with generosity instead of packing material. The result was a shattered mug. DOA.

Steve never got his gift, but now I've got a pen/pushpin/business card holder. I think there also might be some symbolism here, but I'm not sure.

office with a view

Steve got to put his desk on the side of the living room with the windows, but I don't think he did it for the view.

phone call? must be a free recliner

Some days, you're being called by a Haitian woman looking for her Friday night dancing partner. Other days, you're getting harassed by a legal-sounding-type about someone named Alejandro. There are even days that you wish you're being called by anyone.

Today was a day that featured a phone call from our roommate, Chris, who told us about a recently- (and hastily-) vacated apartment next door. Our landlord offered us any and all of the furniture that we could carry. Steve and I hesitated only long enough to pause iTunes and get our jackets. The only trick would be carrying said furniture down three flights of the neighboring apartment and up three flights of our own building -- no small feat for two guys whose typical exercise regiment consists of a walk to and from the kitchen.

Needless to say, we got it home. It was only then that we found the instructions for "how to disassemble for easy and safe transportation." We also hadn't taken into consideration the general lack of space in our apartment, which was only highlighted by the massive grey recliner occupying a third of Steve's bedroom (and his is the big one...). There's also a degree of karmic justice at work here (yes, of course we believe in karmic justice) since Steve's beloved grey recliner from college was irreparably destroyed during our senior year. I believe the death knell sounded a lot like the vomiting of a drunk girl... no, in fact that's what caused its demise -- the vomit of a drunk girl.

The slightly soiled futon is hardly worth mentioning, let alone photographing. Fortunately, we don't get many overnight guests -- or guests, for that matter.

You never know what you're going to get when you pick up the phone, today we adopted an orphaned recliner, tomorrow... who knows?

** Note: title edited because I caught myself using a brand name -- Marketers: 1 Alexis: 0

another meal in front of a monitor, with anecdote

As I slurp down a full bowl of lentil soup, I am reminded of an interesting lesson I learned earlier this week on the flight back to Boston.

If you've ever flown AirTran (the airline formerly known as ValuJet) then you know about their rather bizarre boarding procedure. I've spent many minutes patiently waiting in the queue as my fellow passengers pause to load oversized bags into overhead compartments while others simply pause for no apparent reason. Alas, we are rather self-absorbed creatures... surely this can't ever actually be more efficient?

As a heated exchange unfolded in front of me, a flight attendant calmly instructed the two arguing women to take their seats, but not before insisting that this method has been "scientifically proven." In response to some skeptical gazes, she quickly admitted "it works better in some cities than in others." My interest piqued, I jokingly asked her "so what are you trying to say about Baltimore?"

"Oh, nothing, Baltimore isn’t nearly as bad as Boston."

"Great, I live there now. Am I the reason?"

"No, no, unless you also live in Chicago and New York – LaGuardia is the worst. I think it’s a big city thing… everyone’s so individualistic."

"But this procedure really works in other parts of the US?"

"Oh yes! All the Midwest cities board incredibly quickly. Maybe they’re more considerate or maybe they’re better at following directions – it just works."

Today, I followed the directions listed on my soup can. Baby steps...